Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
