the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
