you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
