You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize