We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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