Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
