I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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