If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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