How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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