How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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