i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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