the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
