how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
