No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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