Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
