He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
