i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize