not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
