I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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