This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
