Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
