well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
