When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
