Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
