she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
