And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
