We're facebook friends in real life
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
