I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
