I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
