My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
