True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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