i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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