"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize