I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
