where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
