some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize