I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
