I CAN MOONWALK!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
