Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
