break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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