Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
