Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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