just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
