They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
