why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
