it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
