Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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