You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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