I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
