oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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