I heard we made out
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
