Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There's always time for handjobs
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
