Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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