Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
