Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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