i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
