Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
