I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
