video games are the ultimate cock blocker
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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