I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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