There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
