Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize