Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
