She's JV to your varsity
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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