U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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