if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
