The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
