Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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