You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
