remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
