I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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