I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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