i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
