this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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